What Did You Do to Your Hair?
by JillybeanJ
Summary: Tweek's self-makeover horribly backfires and he seeks the help of his best bro. Mild yaoi, oneshot. T for Typical South Park Cursing. Hope you like it!


**I don't own SP, wish I did though!**

**I got this idea from an adventure I had with a friend of mine when I was ten or so, she tried to do her hair like some movie star and ended up fucking it up IMMENSELY. We spent the entire day trying to fix it before her parents came home, and when she brought it up again recently, I knew it was a Tweek and Craig type thing! Enjoy!**

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"What the hell did you do to your hair?"  
"I don't know." He stared at the ground.. "It was in a magazine…"  
The ends of Tweek's bright, spiky blonde hair had somehow changed into a muddy, wavy mess. There were bits of lighter yellow in the mix, and I swear I saw some green.  
"Did your parents see you before you left the house!?"  
"T-they're out for the day. B-but they're gonna kill me if they see this!"  
"Did you try washing it out?" I touched his new hairdo, it was hard and damp.  
"Yeah! I used up two bottles of shampoo, but it just turned lighter!" He grabbed my jacket. "You gotta help me, Craig!"  
I took his hand and we went into the bathroom. He sat on the edge on the bathtub. I dug around in the cupboard and finally found a small bowl full of chalky water. I dipped my hand into the liquid and rubbed it into Tweek's hair. "What's this?" he asked.  
"My mom uses it to get dye out of her hair." I answered. "Thank god you used it on just the ends of your hair. I don't think I could handle you with a fucked-up punk hairdo."  
"The magazine looked different."  
"I don't doubt that. What the hell were you trying to do anyway?"  
"Turn it black." Tweek looked down.  
"Turn it bla-why?"  
"I have no idea! I just wanted to look different, you know?"  
I sighed. "Fuck. This isn't working."  
"Oh no!"  
"Can we dye it back, do you think?"  
"Could we?" Tweek asked. "Do you have my color?"  
"I'm sure we do," I replied, looking through the cupboard again. Sure enough, there was a container of hair dye. My mom's hair was more of an orangey-gold than pale neon yellow like Tweek's, but it was good enough. I threw an old bath towel around his shoulders and began working, but quickly realized it was just making his hair darker.  
"Uh, ew."  
"Maybe we could paint it." Tweek suggested.  
"Paint it?"  
"Um, if you don't want to, I-"  
"Be right back."  
I ran out of the bathroom and into my sister Ruby's room. She had become quite the artist, and I knew she liked to paint Tweek when he came over. I also knew where she kept her professional paint set and which color she used for Tweek's hair. I went to her desk, grabbed a paintbrush, and opened one of the drawers. It took me less than a minute to find the little bottle of light yellow, simply titled "maize". How uncreative for such a lovely color. In fact, this had to be the prettiest yellow ever.  
Wait, what the fuck? It was just yellow. Just a paint.  
"Craaaig?" I heard Tweek call.  
I grabbed my stuff. "Coming," I shouted, starting back to the bathroom. I paused at my door, then ran in and grabbed my radio before continuing on my way.  
"You brought a radio?"  
"Yeah," I set everything down and plugged it in. "Less pressure on the both of us."  
While I was searching for a decent station, Tweek got up and looked in the mirror. "Oh, man, it really didn't work. Now it looks even worse."  
I smiled. "Yeah. Let's hope the paint comes out okay."  
He sat back down as I finally found a good song.

_Whoo-oo! _  
_When I feel heavy metal _  
_Whoo-oo! _  
_And I'm pins and I'm needles _  
_Whoo-oo! _  
_Well I lie and I'm easy _  
_All of the time I'm never sure _  
_Why I need you_

"Hey, I like this song," Tweek commented.  
"Yeah." I began brushing some paint onto his hair. It covered it up pretty well, and before we knew it, it had dried and we were done.  
"It feels weird."  
"It _looks_ weird." The paint, when dry, was a little darker and oranger than I had expected. I reached out to touch it. "Ew. It feels really stringy and gross."  
"Could we cut it?" Tweek asked.  
"Hmm…Maybe. You're smarter than I thought, Tweek. You should wash out the paint before we cut it though." I laughed as I returned to my sister's room.  
I put the painting stuff back, grabbed a pair of scissors from Ruby's desk and went into my room. I picked up a blue comb and just sat there like an idiot for a moment, thinking. There was some weird pop song playing and I was pretty sure I could hear Tweek singing. I didn't even know who the actual artist was. Lady GaGa, possibly? Either way, Cartman was right, she was singing about her chick junk.  
Stripe squeaked, jolting me back to reality. Lady GaGa? Cartman being right? Fuck that, I gotta save Tweek's hair. I petted Stripe's back and went back into the bathroom.  
The paint was gone, revealing that ungodly abomination of a makeover Tweek had attempted on himself. I put the bath towel back around him and kneeled down behind him in the bathtub. He was shaking so hard I was afraid to start for fear of cutting and killing him.  
"Goddammit, Tweek, hold the fuck still!" I pressed my hand down on his shoulder, maybe a bit too roughly.  
"S-sorry," he mumbled. I sighed, then positioned the scissors and…  
Snip!  
"That's one." I said, catching the lock in my hand. It was stuck together.  
I showed it to Tweek. "Jesus!"  
I chucked it at the trash can. It actually hit the wall with a small thump before falling into the can. We exchanged glances. I shook my head and kept working.  
One by one, every bit of hardened hair was finally eliminated from Tweek's head. I scooped them all up and dumped them into the trash can. I looked back at my masterpiece and…  
Oh.  
Oh God.  
"Um…"  
"What's wrong?" Tweek began to get nervous.  
"Tweek, you know I love you, right?"  
"Let me see!" He jumped up out of the bathtub and climbed up onto the counter. "HOLY SHIT!"  
The edges were jagged and misplaced, it looked like someone had just randomly chopped off bits. "I tried to cut them into smaller spikes." I confessed.  
"Oh man, my parents are gonna kill me!" He started to panic.  
"Calm down, calm down!" I knew I was asking the impossible of Tweek, but I hugged him and he stopped suddenly.  
He was warm. Like, really warm.  
The radio was now playing a song made up of just bass solos. Shit, it could be so fitting when it wanted to be.  
Tweek just stood there in my arms. I would have thought he had actually died, if it wasn't for the feel of his heart beating.  
He was so calm, I was actually nervous myself. Tweek was never this peaceful.  
The basses on the radio stopped and I realized the song lyrics were only two lines.

_All of which makes me anxious. _  
_At times unbearably so._

I looked at the small radio perched on the counter. What the fuck?  
The basses continued and Tweek pulled away from me.  
The front door slammed, my parents were home.  
I was about to say something when he jumped up on his tiptoes and kissed me on the forehead.  
"Uh…" I looked down at him, he was tugging the ends of his hair nervously.  
"Thanks." Tweek kicked his foot back and forth.  
I couldn't help but smile. "Hey."  
"What?"  
"Let's go to the hair salon. They'll fix it for you."  
Tweek smiled. "Okay."

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**Not my best, but it's my first. So hope you enjoyed! :D**

**I got Tweek's hair color from Wikipedia ^^**  
**First song: "Song Two" by Blur. (This was also in the episode "Stanley's Cup".)**  
**Second song: "Double Bass" by Gorillaz.**


End file.
